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October 2009

If she thinks that guilt is a problem for Type 1 ....

Diabetes Can be a Five Letter Word.

... and that five letter word is "guilt."


And she thinks guilt is a problem for Type 1s...... Let me tell you what it is like for the overweight, Type 2, diabetic.

Forgetting the fact that both my parents have been diagnosed with diabetes, and both of my fathers parents were diagnosed with diabetes, and that my father, his father and mother, all died of cardiovascular complications of diabetes ...


Ask any one.  Ask my endo, my primary care physician, the NY Times or anyone walking down the street.  It is my f*ing fault I'm here.

At least I was diagnosed before "pre-diabetes".

Seriously my blood sugar has been watched since I was a teen ager.  My first fasting glucose test as done when I was around 15 and NOT over weight.  In fact,  I was pretty thin (disappeared when I turned sideways) until I was riding a bicycle and hit by a car.

One doctor (sleep / pulmonary specialist and one of the top in the city of Dallas) figures that I have sleep apnea because my jaw was broken.  Love him, because the undiagnosed sleep apnea is probably the cause.  

I have struggled with sleep and weight since then.  And I rarely win.

But I'm sorry -- Type 1s don't know the first thing about guilt -- we've deal with the same guilt as we do PLUS!  (and yeah, I know a lot of idiots blame Type 1 on too much sugar too).

Trying to be positive

As I posted this morning, I think I'm losing a pound a week.  I'm trying to be positive as I was gaining that a year ago.

However, that also means that next May, I'll be at 250 pounds, which is a bit depressing.

I'd like to be at 2 pounds a week, and I'm not sure how to get there.  Our rain is really getting to me -- so walking on the treadmill is limited.  I'm at 15 minutes now and skipping a day or two.

I have made some changes that should help -- personal trainer is coming on Tuesday and Friday, rather than Friday and Saturday.

I'm taking two dog agility classes, and their schedules should allow me to walk more -- one on Wednesday about 10 minutes from the house at 7:00 and one on Thursday, at 9:00 but an hour away.  I should be able to get in a few minutes those days.

Sometimes, I just can't get on the treadmill from the pain -- Saturday was one of those days.

Progress and what is emergency clothing?

Got on the scales today and I'm missing another pound!

However, I'm still having gratification vs. grief issues.  That's the best way I can put it. 

I'm losing about 1 pound of week, but then it's not really a pound.  Here's what I mean, during a particular week, my weight will vary between the current weight to at least 4 pounds more.  I'd like the weight to be a bit more stable.

I'd also like to see more than a pound a week off.

However, at this time last year, I was gaining a pound a week so can I really think of it as two pounds a week off, or something weird like that -- head games.

And here's the bigger deal.  I keep finding things I can't eat.  Last week it was Diet Gourmet's pot roast.  That whole dinner ended up coming up.

So not being able to eat pot roast isn't worth losing a pound a week to me right now.

Yeah, more head games.

I also still feel the same level of pain on a regular basis.  Of course, it doesn't help that we've had more rainy days than not since October, maybe middle of September.  Rain does not help the arthitis!

I did by "emergency" clothing.  I have emergency skirts.  I have pile of skirts I can wear if my current skirts get too big.

I bought emergency panties and emergency shirts as they were on sale at Lane Bryant, and I like having a small stock pile of clothing to switch to, if the current clothing gets to big.

Also need to start a stash for clothing again, but right now, only have one too big skirt I kept back from the clothing exchange.


I am still coughing up a lot of food.  I'm not losing enough weight to make that worth while.

It's no fun and no one around me understands the frustration.

I am sick of people offering me food and even more sick of them eating in front of me when it isn't appropriate to eat.

And yes, I'm depressed and angry about it.

Traveling Fear

My greatest fear when traveling by air, is theft at the TSA checkpoint.  They went into that in the local news this week -- thefts have been occuring at the DFW airport and they are generally thefts of opportunity.

When I fly I have to take a CPAP machine, a laptop (I'm usually going to a teacher workshop), and assorted diabetes medications.

I know there is a huge black market for CPAP machines and that they have been stolen at checkpoints.  That's a big deal not just because of the loss of the CPAP machine but that I actually stop breathing long enough off of CPAP that I could die -- I have freaked out two sleep technician teams in two seperate testing.

Plus who wants your laptop stolen?

I also have to travel alone, so I am very adament that my bins stay together and in front of me the entire time I am being wanded.

They need to come up with another system.

Fixing things

So I'm going to try to get my A1C back down.

Here's what I am seeing on a regular basis -- my basal rate seems to be too low in the mornings.  I am high when I wake up, and I am high after my morning mocha (I know, but for now it's the only thing I can do in the morning without tossing it back up and I need the caffeine to face the day).

I ran a 50% higher basal and got back to normal.  Plus I'm running my agility basal.

So here's my thought and if it's nuts, let me know.

Switch my teacher basal to my agility basal.  Make all my other basals higher in relation.  Run the new teacher basal during the day and check often.


I'm blaming my not checking my blood sugar on my Dean, she tried to get me to carry less around.  Yes, a smaller bag will be good.  I'm going to go through my Ameribags and switch to my smallest and see if that helps.

Right now I have the meter on the desk and have stuck to my classroom, and have been able to test the way I should all day.

Need to do the same at home.


Also need to remember to pick up money for personal trainer -- I've moved her schedule to Friday and Tuesday and need to get better at exercising when she isn't at the house.


Hmm, not baby steps!

Endo Visit

A1C - 8.1

Cholesterol - good - the issue I was most concerned about since I had not been able to take Vytorin 10/80 -- too big -- and I've been on samples of Vytorin 10/20 and it's been fine.

Kidney function good


Doctor is concerned over my A1C -- I am too -- but I'm also afraid of going low. The lap band surgery and resulting eating changes make me go high. That and the stress related to dealing with campus tech.


We did drop a blood pressure drug, I'm close to the end of my Enforge and my blood pressure is 126 / 63.


Again, I'd rather run high than run too low.


Positive changes.